VIII
Supper was over. It had been long and indulgent. Praise for Anatole’s cooking had as usual reverberated through the dining hall. The Lobster Thermidor and the Oie nouvelle aux navets had been a big hit. Bertie had to be manually restrained by Bobbie from breaking out into a solo dance routine after dessert. However, they were now dancing close together as Angela played the piano. Anatole conceded that the ingredients and proportions of the dessert had been suggested by Emerald Stoker, who was herself a terrific cook. Gussie grinned ear to ear upon hearing praise for his wife from the master chef.
Lord Tom Travers was currently showing the katana to Sir Shash.
‘Tom, careful that you don’t cut yourself with that monstrosity,’ boomed Aunt Dahlia.
‘I won’t, you worry too much my dear, a man knows how to handle such exquisite weaponry,’ replied her husband.
He turned to Shash.
‘My boy, look at this. Look at the exquisite carvings on the sheath. No wonder it cost me a fortune. I see the eye of the craftsman that created this almost divine weapon. His eye for detail. His vision of splendour. The warrior on the battlefield making a declaration of might simply by showing this weapon to his rival. It is said that this steel could cut through iron armour as if it were mere fruit. Hah! I want to see the look on the faces of those two fools, Dalton and Bassett, when I spring this upon them. The envy, the jealousy, the sheer frustration, I shall savour every moment. Haha.’
Sir Shash looked at it closely and said, ‘It is quite the blade, Uncle Tom. How much did it cost you, if you do not mind my asking.’
‘I shall whisper to you, don’t let Dahlia hear,’ whispered Tom Travers.
Sir Shash leaned forward.
‘What secrets are you keeping from me, Tom,’ boomed Aunt Dahlia’s voice again.
‘Nothing, my dear, I was simply cracking a joke about speculation in stocks.’
‘I want to laugh too, could you tell me the joke?’
‘Aah, what was that… aah…’
Shash quickly said, ‘Aunt Dahlia, do you know why the European stock markets are sliding down? Greece. Hahahaha.’
Aunt Dahlia gave him a look and said, ‘Young man, you are an even bigger fathead than Bertie if you think I am going to fall for that bit of quick thinking. Still, I will leave you boys to your matters. I need to catch up on my beauty sleep. Seppings, tell that new girl to bring a bowl of warm water to my room.’
‘Yes, madam.’
Seppings went looking for Margaret.
At that moment, in a secluded corner of one of the many gardens at Brinkley, Colt, the assistant gardener, was down on one knee in front of Margaret. He had made an intense declaration of his affections for her.
‘My fair Miss Margaret, the day I saw you, I knew you were the one for me. We will make a fine pair. I know it. Um… you have the softness of a noble princess; I have the grit of a soldier. Marry me and I shall treat you like a queen. I know I may not have much, but I shall make sure that you eat before I do, that you have a new dress before I do. I am sincere, Miss; I don’t drink and all. You will have a home of your own.’
To this, Big Marge replied, ‘I would marry you, Mr. Colt, I would, but I cannot, I have burdens that I cannot share.’
Colt was undeterred. Still on one knee, he quipped, ‘Is it someone else, Miss Margaret? Some other fella? Tell me plain and I shall let you be. However, if it be some other trivial matter, you tell me frankly, Miss.’
To this the tall girl said nothing. She simply cupped his face in both hands and then ran off with a sob.
Colt stood up and found Seppings glaring at him.
‘Mr. Colt, you ought to be finding work on the stage.’
‘Gee, sorry Mr. Seppings, sir, I am sorry, I was only…’
‘There will be plenty of time for this foolishness later, Colt. Give the poor girl some space. There is a big party coming on. I need you to attend to that important matter first. Now get going. Come early tomorrow.’
‘Aye, sir.’
At that moment, within the premises of the Whale Rider Inn, Alice Diamond was showing a large piece of paper to McDonald and Sanders.
‘This be the list boys; the fool girl gave me a list of precious collectibles she saw over at the mansion. Now it is a most peculiar list — statues of strange figures, masks, a dairy cow creamer, an oriental sword, some flintlock pistols, some ivory dolls and such. I had a good mind to smack her in the face when she said she had no idea about any jewels. However, no matter, I already know that there be enough loonies in England who will pay thousands of pounds for a few of these items. The party is on Sunday. We are getting in as the help.’
‘We are getting in as the help,’ added McDonald.
Sanders replied, ‘Alice, there will be many people there, how do you plan to rob the place?’
‘That be simple. The girl mapped out the collectible room. There is a big box in there. As the guests leave, we pretend to leave. We will go and hide out in the box. If we cannot make it by the stairs, we shall certainly make it by the window. I have got a crew of three comin’ in from London. They got these black suits; you can’t even see them in the dark. They can climb the pipes real well. All we need is an open window, is all. Big Marge has promised she will get that bit done.’
‘That girl seems smart,’ observed Sanders.
‘She is a big fool, she ain’t nothin’ without me to guide her and such.’
‘If you say so,’ said Sanders. ‘Well, let us hope we can move the merchandise soon. I got just the person to do it. He will get the van. Get the items in there. He drives like a fiend. They won’t know what hit them.’
‘Uppity fools, revenge is going to be sweet,’ said Alice Diamond with a smile.
In Aunt Dahlia’s room, Margaret knocked and was asked to enter, a large bowl of warm water balanced carefully in her hands.
‘My lady, you needed a bowl of warm water? Here it is, not too hot though, just right for you to wash your face,’ said Margaret with a bow.
‘Good, thank you, Margaret,’ said Aunt Dahlia. ‘I heard that Seppings likes your work. He is not one to praise people easily.’
‘Everyone here is most kind, madam. Mr. Seppings is very nice to go to for advice and such. I thank you for your kind words and the opportunity to work here.’
‘You know we have a party on Sunday; I want everything to go off smoothly.’
‘It sure will, if I may say so.’
IX
‘Joy cometh in the morning, young Tuppy’, said Bertie as he chomped down another spoonful of scrambled egg on toast, ‘now you can be sure that the hens that laid these eggs early in the morning were very pleased with their lives in general.’
‘Couldn’t agree with you more, old bean and let me say this again – Gussie is one lucky newt lover. Emerald’s cooking is fabulous. I realized she went in to Anatole’s den this morning and got busy with eggs and the master chef let her do that, he wouldn’t allow that normally,’ said Tuppy.
‘I say chaps, did you know that the Furcifer Virdis of the Madagascar shrubs have a skin colour that matches the parsley on our breakfast table. The exact same hue, if I may say so,’ announced Gussie Fink-Nottle.
‘That is fascinating Gussie,’ said Bobbie, ‘the thing I wanted to hear most as just as I am digging into these delights. Pray, continue. Spare no detail, what is the colour of the worm that it prefers for breakfast?’
‘Amazing Bobbie,’ replied Gussie smiling, ‘I never took you for someone who shared a curiosity for the Squamata. Now, once it spies the cone headed…’ he paused suddenly. He had noticed both Uncle Tom and Aunt Dahlia Travers staring at him with a look that did not convey avuncular warmth.
‘Gussie, you feebleminded blot,’ roared Aunt Dahlia, ‘Uncle Tom and I are trying to enjoy this lovely spread and you will refrain from speaking about anything that crawls, runs or creeps while you are here. Or I will have you debarred from Brinkley, permanently and Emerald will have to visit alone.’
‘Smack him on the head,’ said Bonzo Travers who seemed to sprint past the breakfast table chased by Margaret.
‘My apologies, my apologies’ said Margaret bowing as she half walked, half sprinted behind Bonzo, ‘Master Bonzo, wait, wait.’
‘Dahlia, that boy needs discipline,’ said Tom Travers turning to his wife.
‘I would be happy to give him a juicy one, father’ said Angela, ‘May I? I have been wanting to since he filled my vanity case with water and left it in my bathtub.’
‘I know a particularly strict boarding school, I shall threaten him with it,’ said Aunt Dahlia.
‘He won’t believe you any more, mother,’ said Angela, ‘you have used that threat one too many time and he knows you are not serious about it.’
‘Who’s the girl that ran after him, Seppings? I have never seen her before.’ asked Tom Travers.
Seppings seemed to materialize out of nowhere and replied, ‘Sir, she is new here, been here a few days already, Master Bonzo seems to enjoy her company a lot.’
‘Right, right, well see to it that he does not set her hair on fire or something. The boy seems to inspired by that foul Edwin Craye and I have seen him giggling like a fiend with Oswald, Tuppy’s cousin.’
‘I will see to that, sir.’
Presently Jeeves walked in and announced, ‘Mr and Mrs. Pinker. With dog Bartholomew.’
‘Stiffy! Harold!’ said Angela, ‘How wonderful that you came!’ She got up, smiling. Bertie, Bobbie and Shash got up as well.
‘Welcome, you young-blots-in-love, come eat, eat immediately’ said Aunt Dahlia.
Many embraces and handshakes later, Stiffy and Harold sat down to eat. Bartholomew, the terrier had raced in and danced around several legs excitedly. He was led away by one of the maids with the promise of a biscuit, a word to which he normally responded very quickly. Stiffy positioned herself next to Shash.
‘So Shash, anything exciting lately? I thought you had settled in San Francisco for good and married and forgotten all about us.’
‘You know Stiffy,’ began Bobbie, ‘Shash here is never completely off the treasure map for our dear Lady Florence Craye. And who knows what beauty keeps him in San Francisco? Pauline tells me he frequents a burger joint for some reason. Even with home cooking aplenty.’
‘Don’t tease him,’ chimed in Bertie, ‘he will turn red and go hide in the library. He did vanish for several weeks. Bobbie has warned him not to do that again. Jeeves missed him too, did you not, Jeeves?’
‘Sir?’
‘You missed him too, did you not? I had seen you linger near the empty sofa and the empty breakfast chair more than once.’
‘Bertie!’ interrupted Stiffy, ‘you are embarrassing Jeeves. He is like Marcus Aurelius, stoic and all that.’
‘Jeeves is the calm before the storm, during it and afterward,’ added Bobbie.
‘Stiffy! Bobbie!’ said Harold, ‘…first Shash and now Jeeves, stop being a menace.’
The conversation was now loud and more energetic. Aunt Dahlia looked at all the occupied chairs and permitted herself a smile of satisfaction.
Outside, Bonzo Travers had finally lost his race with Margaret. He had plopped down on the lawn and was now flat on his back looking at the sun. Margaret was sitting next to him. The warm sun beat down on her face and she breathed in the scent emanating the hundreds of rose bushes tended to with care. She closed her eyes for a moment.
‘Hey, Miss Margaret,’ said Bonzo, ‘why are closing your eyes? Do you want to play hide and seek now?’
‘Master Bonzo,’ she said tired but smiling, ‘you will get me into trouble with Lady Dahlia and Lady Angela. Let us please go back and finish your breakfast.
‘Only if you catch me again,’ said Bonzo and took off.
‘Oh dear,’ she squealed in delight and ran after him. She noticed Colt working on a hedge. He waved at her. She waved on impulse, then put her hand down quickly.
‘She likes me all right,’ muttered Colt to himself and whistled a happy tune.
X
It was late afternoon. Big Marge opened the large empty trunk in the first-floor collectibles room. It was big enough to hold two people. She closed it with a sigh. She knew she had to check that everything was as she had described in her notes to Alice Diamond. She had finished all her morning chores and had just casually wandered upstairs. She had already checked the entry window in an adjacent room. It was an easy entry, really. Just a simple hatch from the inside. The cupboards in the collectibles room all had locks but they would probably be a mere trifle for professionals. She went and stood in front of the largest cupboard that had several figurines.
‘Interesting pieces, aren’t they?’ a voice said suddenly.
Big Marge turned around with an ungainly jerk.
‘Your Ladyship,’ she fumbled, ‘I was merely looking around…I…’
‘No need to explain lass, this room is full of curiosities with strange histories.’
Aunt Dahlia swept into the room.
‘Tom is always collecting bits of history. A 13th century Katana is his latest pride. This room is his sanctuary. Over the years, I have seen him in here smiling to himself. Some of these items, he resells, but mostly he keeps them. He says he is preserving stories. He wanted to be a historian, you know, but ended up making his money from business affairs in the Far East. Hah! Thank goodness for that. Though even if he had little money, he would have been the same man he is today. The only thing that really upsets him are taxes!’
‘Thank you for telling me, your Ladyship, I shall be very careful whenever I dust anything in this room.’
‘No need to think about that, Seppings usually tends to this room himself. See this woven basket over here, he got it in Siam from a little girl in a Hmong village in the hills. He is very fond of it. I don’t think it is worth very much but he keeps it. And this cow creamer, hahaha, the troubles that it has caused me and Bertie! Thank God for Jeeves. That reminds me, Sir Watkyn Bassett and Lord Dalton will be here tomorrow. They are Tom’s biggest rivals as far as collectives go. Two envious fatheads!’
‘Yes, your ladyship, I hear that the Brinkley Court parties are the grandest in the county.’
‘Several counties girlie, I would not have them any other way. Now run off and make sure that Bonzo is at his desk studying. You seem to be the only person he listens to, these past few days.’
‘Yes, madam’ said Margaret and hurried off. As she approached Bonzo’s study room, a strange feeling crept all over her. She knocked.
‘Come in,’ said Lady Angela’s voice.
She saw that Bonzo Travers was studying with Lady Angela sitting next to him. They both smiled at her.
She stopped momentarily. Thoughts she had never known were running amok in her mind. These people were nothing like what Alice had told her.
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