There are two reasons I agreed to pen down this commentary for Aunt Dahlia’s most popular Milady’s Boudoir magazine on an article aptly titled ‘Ideas for a Girls Day out’.
However, before I get into said reasons, I must admit that the old ancestor demanding that I write with the same flair with which I had earlier composed ‘What the well-dressed gentleman is wearing’ not so long ago evoked in me a sense of not undeserved pride.
It is well known, I am reliably informed, that once the reader has tasted a sample of the Wooster writing, he or she keeps coming back for more. I must admit that I had occasionally wondered why Aunt Dahlia had taken so long to return for a second helping of my craft.
Now, I come to the reasons.
One, I was threatened with the prospect of banishment from Anatole’s kitchen should I refuse to supply my prose for the magazine. I took this as a sort of backhanded compliment that Aunt Dahlia is fond of dishing out.
Second, I learnt that young Tuppy Glossop was the unwilling photographer who took the pictures for the said article. He was dragged around from place to place by this bevy of troublesome beauties and forced to take multiple shots in the hot sun. He was also made to carry equipment from time to time. This pleased me no end and with my commentary, I hope to rib the man without mercy.
We shall begin with the first photograph. Those familiar with the social pages of newspapers will immediately recognise the faces of Miss Pauline Stoker, her sister Miss Emerald Stoker, Miss Angela Travers and Miss Bobbie Wickham.
That they should be up to no productive work ought to surprise absolutely no one. However, being the good eggs that they are, we can notice them here displaying the merits of exercise. You cycle, the blood circulates, you feel healthy in mind and body. You could also sing a song of your choice about the beauty of the English countryside if you are feeling in midseason form. A perfectly good way to spend a morning especially after a breakfast comprising eggs and b. with a spot of coffee or perfectly good tea. I recommend some buttered toast on the plate as well, depending on how early you slept the night before.
Now, I notice the second picture. I see that the calories lost in cycling are being made up for with ice creams. That, to me, is a perfectly rational way of living your life. Now, whether you need to change your clothes completely to eat ice cream is a decision I leave entirely to you. The need for fashionable eyewear is also a subjective matter.
I was informed that Tuppy, that blot on the Drones Club, did not get to enjoy any ice cream for he had a cold. That is quite gratifying, considering the man still refuses to fork out the tenner he owes me for tripping Constable Oates just as the flatfoot was about to pounce upon Tuppy like the proverbial lion.
– Bertram Wilberforce Wooster
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